10 March 2009

Wonder Twin Powers - Activate!

I stayed up way too late last night and while flicking through channel after channel of nothing, I came across teletoon retro. Super-Friends was on so I quickly and eagerly tuned in. What kind of fix were the Friends in this week?

I missed the first couple minutes, so I am may be missing some important nuance here, but as the story goes, the Wonder Twins were attending the circus. The ringmaster and his lovely assistant had their evil plot quickly foiled by the Twins.

*Wonder Twin Powers - Activate*

Jayna (who certainly has the cooler of the wonder-powers) turned herself into an elephant, and Zan turned himself into a giant puddle of water, which Jayna then sucked into her trunk and fired at the villains, knocking them off balance enough that she was able to secure them quickly within the confines of her trunk. A daring and bold plan filled with Freudian connotation!

Oh, my. As it turns out the ringmaster and his scantily clad assistant were merely a red herring. The evil-doers in all of this, were in fact the captive circus animals. The real ring-leader, a hind-leg walking, glowing-eyed tiger, announced to the twins that indeed, the animals were the true masterminds, and pulling out a laser shooting device he hypnotised Jayna and Zan. My goodness what will happen to them after the cereal advertisement?

The weird monkey helper of the twins, who unlike the circus animals was not capable of human speech was able to contact the League of Justice headquarters. Superman and Wonder-Woman to the rescue!! They arrived at the circus and battled the animals to victory, smashing the radioactive, laser, hypnotiser.

Why am I so badly craving cocoa coated cereal?

I wish I had never tuned in. Sadly, I realised that the Wonder Twins, despite their snazzy matching outfits and cool catch-phrase, are actually quite lame. Admittedly, having the ability to turn yourself into an animal is a little bit cool, but Jayna turned herself into a beaver for crying out loud. Why? Well, I thought it would be so she could gnaw through the circus tent poles, trapping the villainous animals within the voluminous tent. Sadly, no. She used her tail to slap Zan-style snowballs at her enemies. Seriously? How lame is that? Zan really got screwed in that genetic lottery too. Turning yourself only into water-based products is pretty crappy. Water, snow, ice.... not much else is there? Add in some coloured mix and sugar and he could be Kool-Aid, I guess. Although, even the Kool-Aid jug is better prepared to foil evil than Zan. He at least can crash through brick exterior walls and vanquish thirst, in a variety of fruity flavours. Sorry, Zan, plain and simple you suck!

Its a sad day for me to realise that these heroes of my childhood, really aren't so heroic after all. Without the other Super-friends, they would be nothing. Heck, come to think of it, without the Wonder Twins habitually screwing things up, the Super-Friends would probably get bored hanging out at the League of Justice doing nothing. Thank God, Wonder Woman is still cool.

That's all. A giant tiger just walked into the room and offered me a bowl of cereal.